Anna Maria | Individual therapy, couple therapy, relationship therapy

Relationship Therapy Zutphen - Lochem

Individual therapy and couple therapy are both possible. Basis to both is understanding yourself and/or the other. Seeing exactly what is there. Not only from your mind, but also from your heart and your body. When there is understanding, change can appear. This is true both in relation to yourself and in relationships with important others.

Relationship Therapy

A few years ago, I wrote short stories about the relational problems of Hare and Raven. In the paragraph below Hase suggest that they start to look for a therapist:

"‘When you have a problem with each other’, said Hare, "you go to the therapist and then you talk. She seemed quite content with the idea of talking. Raven, who was not much of a talker himself, felt the pressure building in his head. "Then who is that, the therapist?" he asked in a slightly skipping voice. Haas didn't know that either.

'’But we'’ll find her’,' Hase replied with new zest. She had’n't been this energetic and decided in years. Therapy sounded exciting and creepy at the same time. And anything was better than the past few weeks, during which she had lain exhausted in her den with a dark and heavy heart. Raven, who loved his beautiful Hare dearly, could do nothing but keep all his reservations within his beak. With all his willpower, he forced his unwilling neck to nod in agreement. They would go into therapy, whatever that might mean.'

In the stories, Hase and Raven leave their familiar home to go on an adventure and find help for their problems.

And so therapy is a bit like that: leaving your familiar place to try something new.Learning something about yourself and the other. Making discoveries that will help you understand each other better.

I help you with this process by stimulating your interest in yourself and the other. By inviting you to keep feeling yourself instead of pointing at the other. By mirroring what is happening in contact and communication.

Among other things we look at:

Criticism in the relationship

Being critical of the other person, or taking criticism from the other person is a topic that almost always comes up. Criticism has quite an impact on feelings of security and freedom. Usually criticism of the other is not separate from criticism of yourself, although self-criticism is not on the surface for everyone. You will learn to discern this critical voice and understand the function of criticism.

Personal space

An important issue is your personal space in relation to each other. For example, you can begin to see when you are pulling yourself back, making your space smaller, or blowing yourself up and building tension in the relationship. Starting to observe these movements helps to see and understand when you are being touched. 'Hey, I'm pulling back. What’'s happening in me? Do I feel disappointed, unsafe, rejected? Or is it an expression of a need, like a moment of rest, or a hug, or being close or being alone?

Sensing your body

In the sessions, your bodily feelings and sensations are invited to be felt and expressed.With problems in relationships, your mind has often done a lot of work to think through the issues at hand. But it is only that far the mind can go when the feelings and sensations of the body are not taken into account. Sometimes they express a deeper truth, if you learn to listen to them.

Communicating can be learned

Learning to communicate focuses on mutual understanding. There are ways and tricks that can support this process, and they will certainly be discussed. But what leads most to mutual understanding is to experience each other in the sessions in a new way, to be able to be open about whatever is going on inside you and also to listen openly to the other. Instead of battling from fixed positions and views, you learn to listen, to yourself and the other.

Continuing the relationship?

From Hare and Raven:

"I don't think I love you anymore. Hare looked sadly at the grass as she spoke. Her otherwise proud ears hung limply along her head. Raven, who had just landed next to Haas for fun, looked at her with alarm. 'You don't love me anymore?" he replied slowly, scratching each word carefully. 'No,' replied Haas, 'I said I don’'t think I love you anymore.' She sounded snippy and familiar now. 'What do you mean? That you think you don'’t love me anymore'. With every word Raven spoke, he sounded angrier and more shrill. And an angry Raven, that's what Haas was afraid of. To be sure, she bowed her head even deeper. Her long ears almost touched the ground now.'

How vulnerable when one of the partners has doubts about loving the other! In this story Haas thinks she doesn'’t love Raven anymore, but she doesn’'t seem to know for sure yet. Perhaps she thinks this way, because she is afraid to acknowledge that she lacks feeling, or maybe she feels the need for change in herself or the relationship, or maybe she is missing something in herself.

Do you recognize yourself in this ambiguity? The sessions help clarify your thoughts and feelings so you can make an appropriate choice.

If you would like to know more or make an appointment, please contact me.